I did not inherit my mother’s natural talent for gardening.  Even the silk plants in my care have shriveled and lost leaves.  So, it was with some doubt that I approached my goal of starting a small indoor garden this spring.  I thought I would start with an aloe plant from a clipping a friend gave me.  They seemed hearty enough to survive my black thumb.  I potted a couple in small pots and set them on the coffee table.  After a month or so, I noticed that the plants had not grown at all.  In fact, the leaves, though still plump, were drooping and turning a little brown.  The plant was surviving, it was alive, but no one looking at it would say it was a thriving plant.

Many of us find ourselves in a similar position in our work and lives.  We get up every day, we do what we are ‘supposed to do’, we might even do it fairly well.  When asked, we say we are ‘fine’, or ‘can’t complain’, then we get up the next day and do it all over again.  It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when we value comfort and familiarity. The prospect of making a change when we are low on energy or don’t trust our impact to influence our environment leads us into perpetual sameness.

We may not appreciate the toll this takes to remain in survival mode, similar to how we neglect an old car by using cheap fuel and forgetting oil checks. In survival mode we neglect our needs, ignore our base instincts and drives, such as a desire for intimacy. We stay in our own space, not making waves but not deepening contact with our work. This drains us but it’s an insidious process because we don’t realize it’s taking place until it’s too late.

The early signs such as headaches, malaise, or irritability may be ignored or treated as ‘symptoms’ requiring a medical intervention. We assume all too quickly we are sick and require treatment instead of exploring how our immune system because suppressed. We are functioning and may excelling in certain areas but at what cost?

We are surviving, but are we are not thriving. To thrive is to ‘grow and to flourish vigorously’. Thriving entails a sense of passion for what we are doing, a joy that is present in our interactions with others and a sense of wonder and curiosity for our experiences.  It requires stepping outside of our comfort zones, being OK with uncertainty and purposefully attending to what is positive.

In her research on what keeps teachers in the profession, Sonia Nieto found that thriving teachers are those who make genuine connections with their colleagues, students and families; who are focused on the present and on the positive and those who feel compelled to give back to their school communities.  Environments that encourage collaboration, risk-taking and creativity are essential.  Without these things, in environments that stress standardized teaching and hierarchical decision making, teachers burn out.

There are many internal and external conditions which impact our desire to invest in our community so we want to look to all possible answers, especially those who have some volition around. If we can take actions that feel good, as opposed to ones with an expected outcome, we begin to move the needle. Without an emphasis on some external return on investment (ROI), we can appreciate ourselves for the good feeling associated with effort.

Extending ourselves to just one new person a day can help us move outside our comfort zone where thriving becomes possible. Being curious about another person, offering some type of help, or simply sharing something personal to model openness can help us feel more connected. Thriving becomes more possible when experiences are shared and contact is made.

It turns out, aloe plants don’t like to live alone either.  My friend told me to take them out of their pots and let the roots completely dry up in the sun.  That sounded crazy, but when I repotted the two together in a new pot, with soil that was tailored to their specific needs, and placed them in a sunny spot on my porch, they began to thrive.  They have grown several inches in the past few weeks and I have learned a little more about stepping back, letting things happen and taking in the sun.