Constructive differencing, a concept put forth by Dr. Jared Scherz, encourages the creation of a learning environment that embraces differences. Differences become the fertile ground for expanding our self of self, others, and the world. Constructive differencing helps to grow empathy and produces greater intimacy in our lives.

Constructive differencing is based on a premise that people will have divergent beliefs, values, thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc… that we can use to get to know them and ourselves better. Children are not often asked for their opinions making it difficult for them to respect or even embrace what they don’t resonate with. We are often taught that our ability to be accepted and valued depends on our ability to agree with people.  Many of us were raised to see respect in terms of follow directions, doing what’s expected and not questioning authority.

The danger in believing that there is only one way to think about something is that it can set one up to have little interest in or tolerance for new information.  Rigid thinking limits our problem solving skills and inhibits relationship building across differences. The less flexibly we are in our thinking/ perceiving, the more likely we are to approach conflict as a prelude to aggression. Conversely, the more flexible we are in thinking/ perceiving, the less intimidated we are by differences.

We can accomplish this flexible posture more easily through greater awareness of our own insecurities and frailties, which can inhibit our receptivity and distort our perceptions. If Mrs. Smith for instance, doesn’t recognize that she is insecure about her aging process (drying skin, changing figure, etc…), she may not be as receptive to a skinny young female student who talks about being fat.

Curiosity about how children formulate an opinion, come to conclusions, or how they see the world, can help teachers reach students where they are. This is most difficult when students have views that are diametrically opposed to our own. If Mr. Bell’s fourth grade student announces to his class that all Muslims are evil, Mr. Bell may feel a strong impulse to correct his student. Doing so without trying to understand how this child came to embody such a strong belief, risks pushing the student even further toward an extreme polarity.

Teachers can model for children how to consider multiple perspectives and dialogue about them in a way that invites closeness as opposed to tension. Curiosity is the key and a replacement to the antiquate right and wrong perspective that leads to polarization. Curiosity helps navigate peaceful conflict, because we can’t find a solutions, common ground, or even have a safe/ productive negotiation without each person knowing their beliefs matter. Helping individuals to stay connected, even when they disagree is the single most difficult challenge of teaching students and one that can be helped with an appreciation for curiosity.

Adults working (or living) with children are often tempted to jump in and resolve conflicts and disagreements between children. We solve or advise in a way that takes away the power from students to resolve the problem themselves.  We offer solutions before we fully understand how or why a child has developed the behavior or belief he/she has.

Curiosity about the life of the student in the South Carolina classroom who was defiant and forcibly removed by a community resource officer might have revealed her need for additional services.  Had the administration asked of the other students “How can we solve this problem in a way that doesn’t cause harm to anyone or anything? How can we each get what we want?”, they would have modeled empathy and empowered the students to be a part of creating a learning environment in which they feel engaged.