New Year Resolutions

As the holidays approach, we are reminded about the goals we have yet to accomplish. New Year’s resolutions are one time we universally reflect upon the future we wish for. Here is a short story to help you begin your process, so we can improve the likelihood of meeting these goals and fortifying ourselves in the wake of unhealthy stress. This conversation takes place in a teachers lounge, somewhere in NJ.

Ms. R: This time I’m really going to do it.  No more junk food, and no more extra weight.  I’m also resolving not to take so much work home with me every weekend.  I have to get a better work/life balance.

Ms. I: I hear you.  I’m hoping for a healthy year too and looking forward to creating some special memories with my son. He is 5 already! I have set an intention to make healthy choices and slow down when I’m with my son.

Ms. R: I do this every year.  But this time it’s going to be different.  I want to lose 20 pounds and work out three or four times a week so I can be the size I was when we first got married.  I have a high school reunion this year and I want to be able to hold my own with my classmates.

Ms. R has set some firm resolutions for herself.  She has identified what she wants to change and has a plan for how she’ll make it happen.  Ms. I, at first glance, doesn’t seem to be as focused.  So who’s more likely to see the changes she hopes for in the new year?

 

Let’s take a closer look at what’s happening.  Ms. R is focused on what she sees as problems she wants to fix.  She knows a lot about what she doesn’t want and some idea of where she hopes to be – 20 pounds lighter and perhaps not grading papers on the weekend.  So she’s holding two sets of information in her head at one time, what she wants to leave behind and where she hopes to be, or, what exists in the past and what might exist in the future.  Ms. I also has a vision for what she hopes for in the coming year.  Because she hasn’t started from a place of fixing a problem her attention is focused on the change she hopes to experience.

So who’s more likely to be successful?  Ms. R. has a specific number of pounds she wants to shed, so she can easily measure when she’s a quarter of the way there, a half, etc. Ms. I’s goal to be healthier in the coming year seems to lack a measurable outcome.  What constitutes greater health?  How will she know she’s on track?

Imagine we’re back in the lounge a couple months later.  Ms. R is picking the cheese off a piece of pizza some parent has provided for the staff.

 

Ms. R: I know I shouldn’t have this.  In fact, I don’t know who I think I’m kidding, I’m going to eat the crust anyway.  I am so bad at dieting! I lost 7 pounds in January, but I put them all right back and then some!  It’s all the stress of this job.  It just gets to me. How about your ‘intentions’?  How do you work on those with all these tests to mark?

Ms. I: It really is tough.  I hate when I have papers to grade at night.  My son and I have a little game we’ve been playing lately when I bring work home.  He puts on my old reading glasses, gets out his coloring book and starts circling the words and letters.  Then he writes A++++ and laughs and laughs!! It helps make the work seem less intrusive.   I also tend to eat a little more during exam season.  I’ve been trying out new healthy recipes, though and the family seems to approve.

 

The challenge Ms. R is having is that she is not trying so much to BE something, rather she is trying NOT to be what she currently is.  All of her attention is focused on what she doesn’t want.  Our actions tend to move in the direction of our focus.  Think of the Pink Elephant experiment.  If I tell you that for the next three minutes you must NOT think of a Pink Elephant, that pachyderm is going to creep right into your thoughts – if even to note that you are most definitely not thinking of it.

Ms. I’s intentions allow her to imagine and hope for changes. Her energy is future focused and the desire is present for her in her daily routines including preparing meals.  She hasn’t stopped taking work home, but her intent to make memories with her son has shaped how she meets that demand.

What is likely to happen in December?  Ms. R may or may not have been able to shed the pounds.  If she has lost anything less than the 20 she resolved to lose, she is likely to count this as a failure.  She may feel resentful of the work she is still bringing home, possibly increasing how out of balance her work and life feel.  If she stays mindful of her intention, Ms. I will make moment to moment choices throughout the year that are directly related to the change she wants to see.  As she sits to write her lesson plans, she is aware of her intent to create memories with her son and actively looks for ways to attend to him and incorporate him into what she’s doing. Her intention becomes a force of energy rather than a chore or obstacle and is likely to lead to a more sustainable change long term.

So what intentions do you plan to set for the coming year?

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