In the first part of this post on adaptability I introduced the idea that a person’s unwillingness to deal with change might be linked to his or her fears of things that have happened in the past or might happen in the future. Staying put, keeping things the same, often feels like the safer bet to these people.
And it’s no surprise. As living creatures we are predisposed to maintain a sense of sameness. Consider the body’s attempt to keep a regular temperature. We are also wired to want to grow and reach our full potential, which requires stepping out of sameness. So we’re always engaged in a battle for change (growth) and stability. Keep doing the same thing for too long and you’ll feel like you’re in a rut. Yet it is very uncomfortable to try something different and we quickly attempt to set things ‘right’, often before understanding the full experience of what might have been.
To make this more concrete, clasp your hands together so that the fingers are interlaced as in the picture. Notice which index finger is on top. Now, shift every finger up one spot so that the other index finger is now the top one. How does that feel? How long can you keep your hands this way before you rearrange them to the ‘right’ way for you? Even if you didn’t feel a need to change them in this experiment, it’s likely that the next time you casually interlace your fingers, you’ll do it the way you’ve always done.
The trick to becoming more adaptable is to find a way to keep these two forces, the force for change and the force for sameness, in balance. And the way to do that is to practice curiosity. To be curious about things the way they are includes asking oneself ‘how did I come to believe this?’ ‘What is the first moment I remember being aware of this feeling?’ ‘What am I noticing right now about my environment, my body, my feelings?’. When presented with something different from what is, or when contemplating what you may feel should be in the future, applying the same level of curiosity can help you identify where you are on the continuum of same versus change. “Where do my ideas of what this new thing might be like come from?’ ‘What feelings get stirred up for me when I think about this new thing?
What will you wonder about next?