Going with the Flow Part 2

CaptureIn the first part of this post on adaptability I introduced the idea that a person’s unwillingness to deal with change might be linked to his or her fears of things that have happened in the past or might happen in the future.  Staying put, keeping things the same, often feels like the safer bet to these people.

And it’s no surprise.  As living creatures we are predisposed to maintain a sense of sameness.  Consider the body’s attempt to keep a regular temperature.  We are also wired to want to grow and reach our full potential, which requires stepping out of sameness.  So we’re always engaged in a battle for change (growth) and stability.  Keep doing the same thing for too long and you’ll feel like you’re in a rut.  Yet it is very uncomfortable to try something different and we quickly attempt to set things ‘right’, often before understanding the full experience of what might have been.

To make this more concrete, clasp your hands together so that the fingers are interlaced as in the picture.  Notice which index finger is on top.  Now, shift every finger up one spot so that the other index finger is now the top one.  How does that feel? How long can you keep your hands this way before you rearrange them to the ‘right’ way for you?  Even if you didn’t feel a need to change them in this experiment, it’s likely that the next time you casually interlace your fingers, you’ll do it the way you’ve always done.

The trick to becoming more adaptable is to find a way to keep these two forces, the force for change and the force for sameness, in balance.  And the way to do that is to practice curiosity.  To be curious about things the way they are includes asking oneself ‘how did I come to believe this?’ ‘What is the first moment I remember being aware of this feeling?’ ‘What am I noticing right now about my environment, my body, my feelings?’.  When presented with something different from what is, or when contemplating what you may feel should be in the future, applying the same level of curiosity can help you identify where you are on the continuum of same versus change.  “Where do my ideas of what this new thing might be like come from?’ ‘What feelings get stirred up for me when I think about this new thing?

What will you wonder about next?

What it Takes to Go with the Flow (Part 1)

chameleon“I just don’t do well with change.” Most of us know someone like this, someone who eats the same meal every Monday or must take the same route home from work each day.  Perhaps you yourself are one of these people.  The thought of trying a new restaurant or deviating from your annual summer vacation spot seems preposterous.  The news that a new co-worker or supervisor has joined the team can mean weeks of worry.

While stability and predictability may offer comfort, our ability to adapt to change is directly linked to overall life satisfaction and happiness.  Flexible people tend to be healthier, experience less anxiety and have more fulfilling relationships.   Most jobs in the market today require employees to be multi-faceted and to quickly respond to new initiatives and opportunities. Education guidelines and standards seem to change with the seasons and teachers who are not agile can get bogged down by new curriculum and measurements.

People who assert that they ‘can’t handle change’ say they know this about themselves with certainty.  However, what they are likely more aware of is how they have been in the past and what they fear in the future.  They are probably not terribly aware of how they are affected by the immediate and present moment.  Consider the chameleon.  It does not change its color based on where it expects to go next.  What is unique in its survival technique is that the chameleon adapts to its immediate surroundings.

For humans, this is a little more difficult.  In order to adapt to or reject our surroundings we first have to learn how to become aware of them.  We need to learn to take in information from the environment and to pay attention to our own internal cues. We need to know more about how we make sense of our environment and ultimately find a way to be comfortable looking at our own areas for growth.

For many people it is easier to focus on the failures that have come from times we’ve tried to make a change. New situations start to feel like obstacles to growth rather than opportunities. Without a sense of optimism about our circumstances it be hard to imagine wanting to face challenges at all.

In Part II of this topic we’ll look at the ways we make sense of our world and how that may be keeping us stuck in the familiar.  Life may begin at the edge of our comfort zone, as my coffee cup says, but I sure don’t want to get too close to an edge without knowing more about my ability to move around it.